Imagine you’re an elderly rehab patient, maybe trying to recover mobility after a stroke, and receiving treatment in a long-term care facility. Your therapist is a ferocious taskmaster, constantly...
Don’t buy green bananas
By
Gary Tetz
Jun 27, 2024
I just bought a house. Yes, at this age. A common admonition to those on intimate terms with aging and mortality is to avoid buying green bananas. Well, I chose to laugh in the face of that bit of...
Getting your steps in
By
Gary Tetz
May 30, 2024
I and most other humans I know are obsessed with steps, and not just of the 12 variety. We wear tracking devices 24/7, like an entire society under house arrest, and monitor step counts with religious...
The saddle in the garage
By
Gary Tetz
Jun 07, 2024
For decades after his last ride, it rested on a sawhorse in a darkened corner of my father’s garage — his favorite Western saddle.
The smiling robot
By
Gary Tetz
May 16, 2024
When I was still a prepubescent boy with many questions, never once did my father take me aside and explain how smiles are made. As a result, I’ve always been a terrible smiler, simply because I never...
Plugging in to the source
By
Gary Tetz
Dec 14, 2023
Somewhere down the road, when I walk through the front doors of your long-term care facility on my first day as a resident, I hope to move with even half the vigor 80-year-old Barry Manilow showed as he...
What to expect when you’re expecting a Canadian
By
Gary Tetz
May 02, 2024
Through a miracle of parentage, fate and dual citizenship, I stand astride both sides of the 5,525-mile border that divides the peace-seeking United States from war-happy Canada. Given that reality, I...
The underappreciated bartenders of long-term care
By
Gary Tetz
Mar 21, 2024
Before you think poorly of me, let me explain. I was in the bar that afternoon only because I had heard such great things about the nachos. Not buying it? How about this: I was conducting an in-person...
Brave new birthday world
By
Gary Tetz
Nov 16, 2023
What do birthdays have to do with long-term care? Well, I’ve been having them long-term. And at this point, I’ve ceased to care. You probably see that statement for what it is, nothing but bitter bluster....
Ready or not, here I come
By
Gary Tetz
Oct 10, 2023
I strongly suggest you brace yourselves. Get in a positive head space. Sip a soothing cup of tea, or crush a Xanax on your oatmeal. Set a wheelchair near the door, and assign someone sturdy to push it....