Like any sensible facility marketing director does, I desperately want opportunities to attract attention. Recently, after considering every available option, I identified what I felt was a sure-fire way...
Small talk and FEMA camps
By
Gary Tetz
Feb 25, 2016
It’s getting harder and harder to talk to strangers on planes, now that advancing technology has rudely stripped a primary conversation starter away from all of us who are shy travelers.
Passing the stress test
By
Gary Tetz
Mar 13, 2014
First came the razor, deforesting small circles on my expansive torso. Then came the electrodes, streaming off my chest like ribbons from a departing ocean liner. I wasn’t sure if I was being prepped...
Escape from the blinking light
By
Gary Tetz
Jul 26, 2018
It sits on the facility reception desk, blinking bright purple as I approach, but somehow escapes my initial notice. After all, I have so very many things — urgent things, funny things, deeply profound...
It’s time to observe Dependence Day
By
Gary Tetz
Jul 03, 2013
Sure, let’s celebrate the Fourth of July. Gorge ourselves on commemorative carcinogens and empty carbs. Blow stuff up day and night. Do whatever we always do, for as long and as loud as we like....
Grateful chickens
By
Gary Tetz
Dec 03, 2015
Chickens absolutely love Thanksgiving. At least on that one special day, they can finally breathe a little easier while chefs from humble homes to long-term care kitchens choose a larger bird for celebratory...
An insomniac’s medicine cabinet
By
Gary Tetz
Jan 23, 2020
Wakeful, wandering, grumpy and doomed. These precious words describe our faithful, bleary-eyed columnist most nights.
Joe’s teeth
By
Gary Tetz
Oct 12, 2012
Paul Ryan’s big, sad eyes were mesmerizing, I’ll admit, but were nothing compared with Joe Biden’s teeth. They were gleaming, Clorox white. Whiter than the White Cliffs of Dover, my Canadian...
You ‘Like’ me!
By
Gary Tetz
Oct 01, 2012
It’s not necessarily a bad thing, or a good one either — kind of like Rice-A-Roni or the music of Yanni. But instant customer feedback, and the expectation of immediate response and action is where...
Cashing in on grief
By
Gary Tetz
Jan 03, 2013
I know being cynical is bad for me. I’m sure it’s even worse for my health than all the arsenic in my rice. It’s probably killing me slowly and softly, as its tentacles snake into my...