ChatGPT reminded me there are 40 “self”-related words and 10 more “self” phrases. Self-awareness, self-doubt, self-care, self-help, self-sufficient, self-respect, self-control… you get the idea. The list is long. The list directly and profoundly impacts leadership.
I’m coming up on lucky number 13 (years) as our community’s CEO. After 13 years, you would think I would have this leadership thing figured out. It is my passion and, most days, I absolutely believe it is my purpose.
I hate to admit some days self-doubt and self-criticism show up more intensely than others. Being purposeful in recognizing, addressing and leading through those days can be overwhelming and challenging for sure.
The only thing I know for certain is there are great rewards in this work, and heartbreaking setbacks. The wins and joys you share and give credit to the team. The setbacks, failures, mistakes, the absolute fumbles, there really is no one to blame but yourself. A hard but true reminder.
This blog isn’t a pity party, but a reminder that leadership has more to do with self than anyone or anything else. All the self-help books, podcasts, videos and advice we consume are helpful, but the work itself boils down to you. Who you are in the moment, how you react, how you process, who you lean on and how you ultimately build yourself back up matters immensely. Acknowledging that there are times we aren’t our best self takes courage and compassion.
I often wonder how other leaders manage to lead without the appearance of self-doubt. They seem so self-confident, put together and self-assured. Today, I choose to find comfort in the leaders who consider self-improvement (me included) a total work in progress, and that’s OK.
Putting thoughts down on paper is one of the most helpful tools for me personally. Writing and expressing the self-criticism in a way that is without voice helps. Getting it out and then intentionally reacting in a positive self-love way is useful.
One thing I have learned (not mastered) is self-talk is a powerful motivator and demotivator. The question, “What would you tell your best friend?” is also very helpful. We tend not to give ourselves a break very often. We are quick to lift those close to us, it takes more effort to lift ourselves up.
Being your best self every moment of every day is hard work and let’s be real: It’s impossible. When you are in a leadership role, it is necessary, difficult work. Your self-awareness or lack of self-awareness is on display. We determine our self-worth; we also oversee our own self-improvement. It’s when we stop trying and when we stop caring that growth stops.
When we accept more responsibility, we agree to look inward. Leaders who ignore the inward look miss so much. Blaming others and remaining in a victim mentality is the default. The real work is to be able to look inward, accept responsibility and keep moving forward.
For years, we’ve discussed how trust is the foundation to strong relationships in leadership. Trusting yourself also takes courage and vulnerability.
Julie Thorson is a past recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a LeadingAge Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and an alumna of LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program.
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