For decades on my desk, a small sign has served as a reminder of the one thing I know to be absolutely true: I am not dead. Though visitors often find it troubling, I’ve viewed it simply as a comic-serious admonition to stay present and conscious of my continued existence.
But now, after reading a recent Pennsylvania news report, maybe I need to market it to nursing home residents as a life-saving device.
Because it seems a woman at a Pittsburgh-area facility could have desperately used a sign like that when a transport company driver mistakenly hauled her away, falsely believing she was the dead body he’d been hired to retrieve. It’s a short story — we’re told little else.
So yes, I have significant follow-up questions, none of which I’ll be pursuing with actual, knowledgeable sources. For instance, is this nursing home staffed, and if so, was no one nearby to speak words like, “Hello, how can I help you today?” or “What’s the name of the resident you’re picking up?” or “Follow me, I’ll show you where she is,” or “No, not her, she’s not dead.”
Fortunately, the woman was able to make some sort of noise from the back of the van, alerting the driver that she would prefer to remain counted with the living, if it was all the same to him. Then, I assume he made a legal U-turn at the next available intersection and returned red-faced to the facility. The article doesn’t tell us what he said as he rolled her back through the door, but unless he claimed superpowers of resurrection, I’m pretty sure it was, “Oops, sorry.”
As always, it’s vital to draw all possible lessons from mishaps like these, in order to prevent them in the future. According to the report, the woman was wrapped in a sheet, not a body bag, which probably has made this event even more traumatizing for her fellow residents, especially at bedtime. So I strongly urge the administrator of that Pittsburgh facility, or any nursing home actually, to use my “I am not dead” template, photo-copying and attaching it to any sleeping residents.
Finally, I should share a special caution for facilities offering group yoga classes to more ambulatory seniors. If this clueless driver happens to show up while they’re lying on the floor in the shavasana “corpse pose” stage, and you haven’t pinned my “I am not dead” signs to their chests, you could lose them all.
Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, a two-time national Silver Medalist and three-time regional Gold and Silver Medal winner in the Association of Business Press Editors (ASBPE) awards program, as well as an Award of Excellence honoree in the APEX Awards. He’s been amusing, inspiring, informing and sometimes befuddling long-term care readers since the end of a previous century. He is a writer and video producer for Consonus Healthcare in Portland, OR.
The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.
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